well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
