I could make wine with my vomit
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Randomize
