I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
