They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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