margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
