I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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