Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
