nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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