i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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