Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
