I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
