where am i from again
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize