There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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