some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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