I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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