How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
