There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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