...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
