Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
please come you make the beer taste better
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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