And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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