there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
