If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
