I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
