the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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