i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
should my penis look like a turkey
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
