she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize