Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
