I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Randomize