Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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