This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
