Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
i think i just lost a toe
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
