He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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