he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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