you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Don't make out with my wife yet
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
