If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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