whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
