Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
