just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
