Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
