omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
