Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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