What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize