Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I got inside last night via doggy door
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
