This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize