gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My feet surprised me
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