I will die if light touches me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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