are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
