Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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