I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
