Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
