I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
