Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I see more hoeing in ur future
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