I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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