Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
