It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
