C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
