After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Randomize
