So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
