Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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