she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
