is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
