DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
