A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
