hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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