There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
