BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
