He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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