How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
