allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
