Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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