I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
