A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
