I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
