I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
