Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
These tits shall not be calmed
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
