the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
