We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
