well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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