just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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