okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
