The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
