dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
